The first time I failed at an exam, I suppressed the memory for years.
Technically, it wasn’t the first time I’d failed a test. The first time had been a few months earlier when I got 23% on a calculus test. It was the make-up test: I’d missed the test offered the day before because I was at my Opa’s funeral. I’d say someone should have said something, but as an adult who’s just lost several people (and about to lose a few more), I’m giving all the adults in my life a pass for that one.
The second time was my last Royal Conservatory piano exam. I did well on the things I’d had to do in previous exams (memorization, emotion, etc.) but I’d hit a level where there was more theory involved, and that’s where I lost all my marks. I didn’t remember that I’d failed the exam until I came across a letter from my piano teacher years later, consoling me and reminding me that failing was not the end of the world. And it wasn’t. Failing that exam didn’t take away any of the knowledge I’d learned to that point, nor did it prevent me from learning new pieces (including the one I played before my exam this morning).
This morning, I’m not sure how the #Salesforce exam is going to go. I’d love to come back and say I passed, but I’m not that arrogant. I am humble in the skills I am learning. I know there’s a lot more to learn. And so, at 7:31 am, I’m going to log off, review some more, and then play a little piano before I head to the exam. The rest – well, I guess I get to write that sometime later today.
I are amazing and worthy of love, care, and respect. I may not feel, but I am, and I am proud of all the things I have done for myself. This is only a small part of the big things I am accomplishing as I recreate my life. If I passed, then I will celebrate and get back at it. If I failed, I will pick myself back up and have another go. I am worthy of the life I want, and I will create it. Blessed be.